Real Teens Speak Out

Kelly’s Story

When I was born I was immediately adopted because my mother was too young to raise me. Ten years later she gave birth to my sister Kelly. It wasn’t until I was 20, that I finally had the opportunity to meet my wonderful mother and sister. In the last year, I have spent many phone calls and visits discussing the issues my sister has been having while in school.

She has been bullied consistently for being overweight, and being ‘unattractive’, and for being not as smart as her other classmates. At the age of 12, she has had to overcome more hatred and hurt than most young girls her age. Since I live four states away, and in college full time, I cannot protect her. Our mother works two jobs to support Kelly and herself to the best of her abilities.

The pain she has suffered has only increased since she started middle school. In the last few months she has made every excuse in the book to get out of going to school. She has bruised her own eye, threatened to commit suicide, and eventually her threats made it back to school officials. She was immediately placed in a mental health facility.

When my mother called to tell me the news I was angry and hurt. Kelly had been bullied and attacked so terribly verbally by her fellow students that she was unable to think of continuing her life.

The bullying won’t stop until her community and peers learn the proper skills to handle those different from themselves. I cannot always be the one to protect my sister. But it is my hope that by introducing Teen Bullying Groups into local areas, teens who are, and have been bullied can come together, and join hands to change their lives and the lives of those doing the bullying.

From a sister close at heart, and unfortunately far apart, the difficulties she faces are some I cannot begin to help her understand. But it is my hope that with love and support she can grow into a beautiful, and strong woman. Stop the bullying today, and save a life, someones life, your life, my sisters life.

Music Save Me

I am 16 years old, now at College.

I had a bad experience at high school with bullying that lasted for just short of three years. It was a group of people that bullied me though it was hard for me to admit it at first.

I sing and play guitar and I genuinely believe that music saved me! I was never the kind of person to change just because of a few comments and so didn’t have many friends. In fact I have only really ever had one true friend, my best friend since I was nine. She stood by me the entire time, but some people aren’t that lucky.

I started to see things differently in the end. I started noticing people’s pain from bullying and how common it really was at my high school, so i did something about it. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and put together a group that anyone could join. There weren’t many of us about eleven at most but we were all different and unaccepted in some way. The group would come together on a lunch time with guitars and other instruments to sing and enjoy music together. Though we only ever did one performance in front of a crowd I know it helped boost my confidence.

Since the bullying started in 2007 I had a set plan in my mind "before I left that school I was going to perform in a bullying awareness assembly" and I did just that at the start of 2012.

No one should be made to feel small and unimportant and I do believe that if we all come together we can put a stop to bullying for good!

I Know How It Feels

I’m Rayna. I live in West Virginia and I’m in middle school.

I’m very against bullying because I know how it feels. People tell me how they feel about me, and it doesn’t feel too good! It causes me to have a slight case of depression; causing me to have the cutting urge. I cut a couple times. But, then I realized that wasn’t the answer.

I might not have a lot of friends. But, I have all I need. I look up different bullying stories of people because seeing other people overcome it makes me feel like I can do it.

I’ve been called names because I wear makeup, jeans with holes in them, and the worst: I’m not exactly "skinny." I’ve turned my life around recently and I’m doing better with my depression and bullying problems. I never really decided to tell any teachers until I was in 5th grade. I told my principal, but she did absolutely nothing!

I moved over the summer and I met a girl named Hailey. We’ve became really good friends lately. She is a big help with my problems.

I’m really thankful that I’ve been able to turn my life around. I just wanted to share my story. Thank you for the work you’re doing to try to stop bullying!

The Fashion Bully

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. What does this have to do with fashion? As fashion bloggers I believe we need to be aware of the messages we are sending to young girls about the importance of fashion. I’ve been writing for Style Envy for ten years. I also have a daughter in elementary school. My daughter knows how much I enjoy fashion and writing about it. My daughter also knows it is not the most important thing in my life. I think of it as a fun, creative way to express myself.

I am already noticing, and hearing about, young girls becoming aware of who is wearing what and earning elevated status by looking a certain way and wearing certain brands. Many brands worn by adult women are increasing becoming wardrobe staples for elementary school girls. Let your children know that they are not the clothes they wear. Someone is not a cool person because they are wearing the latest trends nor is someone uncool because they are not. Teach them what to do if they are being bullied or see someone being bullied.

Bullying comes in many forms; physical, verbal, cyber, and social. Social bullying is harder to identify because it’s more subtle and many times happens behind the victims back. Social Bullying involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships.

It can be anything from telling other children not to be friends with someone, leaving someone out on purpose, spreading rumors about someone or embarrassing someone in public. Social bullying can appear like a child is “joking around” only the recipient doesn’t feel that way.

As a child from a single parent household, I would have to wear the same top or pants to school several times a week. My mother made sure they were washed and pressed but in the minds of my classmates they were “dirty” because I had worn them several days earlier. Nora, who was a well-dressed girl from a wealthy family took a vested interest in what I was wearing. She would announce to the class that she was sick of seeing me wear my blue floral blouse, a blouse I really liked until that moment. She would later tell me she was only “joking” around. In reality she had set the stage for others to feel it was okay to judge me based on what I was or was not wearing. She never directly called me names or hit me but she did manage to make me feel like a social outcast among my classmates. When I was in my teens I developed a strong personal style, doing most of my shopping in thrift stores and Greenwich Village, NY. I was bullied again, this time for looking different. Through it all, I stayed true to myself. These experiences have taught me to take the impact of social bullying very seriously.

When my daughter told me a classmate told her that her boots were not the “real” designer brand, I sat down with her and pointed out all the wonderful qualities she has. Her boots will never be one of them, no matter what brand they are.

http://www.styleenvy.com/Featured-Story/the-fashion-bully.html

Be Mindful of Your Words

The first time I experienced how it feels to be bullied, I was in sixth grade. I was at a high school football game with a few of my close friends. I do not remember what started it, but I was arguing with a boy in my grade who I had never even talked to before.

Although I cannot recall what fueled our dispute, I distinctly remember the insult he shot my way; he told me that I looked like a man. Keep in mind that in reality, I was simply an eleven-year old girl, not a man.

Instead of sticking up for me, the people I called my "best friends" stood there and laughed. My friends did not defend me, nor did I defend myself. When I got home that night, I finally let myself cry. It was not necessarily what he said that made the most impact, but instead the way I took his words to heart.

Four years later, I am still able picture myself standing in the grass with my friends as they laughed at me. I continue to cringe at the thought of the boy who probably does not have the slightest clue who I am or what he said to me. He is still the reason that I carefully choose what I say to others, because nobody should have to feel the way I did years ago.

It took one comment from a boy I barely knew to realize how easily words can hurt people. Whether you truly mean everything you say or you are only kidding, there is no way to know if someone will actually take you seriously. What you say to people may stick with them for a long time, regardless of your awareness.

Be mindful and cautious of your words, for they can impact others more than you perceive.

Donnie’s Story

My name is Donnie, I am 8 years old,  last year my mom decided to move me from a private school to a public school.

The first 2 days were the worst ever. On the first day I was standing in line and these 2 boys one in front and one in back of me kept pushing on me and hitting me. I was taking karate at the time but did not want to use it. I asked them to stop 3 times and they wouldn’t. So finally, I had to defend myself.  I pushed the boy in front of me off of me and kicked the boy behind me. Of course I got in trouble and the teacher would not listen to me…..

The next day I was playing during recess and this boy tried to take a kick ball away from a girl and me. I did not want to be at the school anymore,  it was terrible. I asked the boy for the ball back and he kept running with it and would not give it back. I asked him again and finally he kicked it far far away and then he went and hit the girl.  I went up to him and said he wasn’t supposed to hit girls and asked him why he would do something like that.  He said because he wanted to.  I told him it wasn’t right.  He then came and tried to hit me and I just gave him a karate kick.  Of course I ended up in the priciples office.  But the good news is she said I did good by trying to defend the girl and the other boy got in trouble. I haven’t been bullied since.  

As a matter of fact whenever I see someone not treating someone right,  I try to help. I did it just this last week, when one of my own friends was being a bully to someone, and I called him to the side and told him he was being a bully and not to do that anymore or else we could not be friends. 

As a result of that experience, I made a video.

http://www.pacer.org/bullying/video/player.asp?video=54

No Excuses. No Regrets.

I’m only 31, but this late in my life, it’s hard to remember how bullying started for me. I really can’t recall if I started bullying, if someone started bullying me, or a combination of both. The only thing I’m certain of is that it happened. I know it happened in grade school. There was a girl. She wasn’t pretty, didn’t have the social graces, and didn’t fit in with everyone else. Not sure if I’m blocking out what I did because I’m ashamed, but I know I bullied her. She put up with bullying by everyone and was still able to smile. There was a boy. He was new to our school the last year, and small in stature. He got along with everyone, and everyone got along with him. Just because we were friends, it didn’t stop up from messing with him. This was the point where I felt the power that I had over him. My playing around focused in on him because I could get away with it. It felt good.

Then came high school. If you’re not on the top of the food chain, it’s gonna be a rough ride. The first three months of high school I was completely alone. This time, I was that boy and my bullies were three girls. Three girls that I crushed on. Hard. They let me know that I wasn’t welcome. I put up my shell and didn’t let anyone in. Three years and I would be done. At times I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. Other times I thought I was getting what I deserved. Other times their hatred infused attention drew me closer to them. When they moved out of the picture and I started coming out of my shell, the jocks moved in. I wanted to destroy them. I wanted to kill. It was relentless. There was nothing I could do. Ignoring didn’t do anything. Telling a teacher? Yeah right. That just invites even more ridicule. There was even an ex-girlfriend that started spreading rumors that I was gay. Everyone laid into me. It took me until the last semester of my senior year to realize that I was important and would make something of myself. I also realized that most of these people wouldn’t amount to anything, especially the jocks. I got an "I don’t give a ****" attitude.

Then a funny thing happened to me. I took a special where it was just me and one of the jocks in the class. He was forced to get to know me. And guess what happened? He validated me. The rest of the jocks got to see that I had something to offer and started treating me humanely. At my going away party before I left for the Army, most of the jocks and those three girls showed up, spent quality time with me, and even said they were glad they got to know me.

No matter what happened to me that made be bully, there’s no excuse and I will NEVER attempt to make one. As bad as it may sound, which I have no intention of making it that way, I also have no regrets as to what I did or what happened to me. It made me the person I am today, someone studying civil rights law, so I can stick up for those that can’t stand up for themselves

My Story

I was bullied in school.  I made a bad choice and it started in the 7th grade.  People I knew and people I didn’t know bullied me, people I thought were my friends bullied me or just gave up on me.   I was harassed, threatened, beaten up.  I was miserable.  Because of it all I quit school in the 9th grade.  I tried to tell counselors at school, I tried to ignore them but even when I moved it never went away, someone from the past always reappeared and it would start over.  I hated school, I hated my life. 

Now as an adult I look back on that period of time and I still have the scars from the way the kids treated me.  It still hurts.  It hurts that I lost my childhood because of bullies who had nothing better to do then to terrorize me.  I eventually went back to school and I have gone on to become someone I am proud of but like I said, it still hurts.

When my 3 children were in school and if anything came up involving them being bullied or them doing the bullying I took action IMMEDIATELY and put a stop to it.  Because of my watchfulness and willingness to take a stand, my children were not bullied and they had a very happy childhood.

We need to make people understand that it takes action from adults to help put a stop to kids bullying.  It takes bigger consequences and we need to make the people doing the bullying realize the harm they are doing to others.  This is such a serious topic and it really needs the support of people like you to reach out and find people who can help and who can make our schools a better and safer place for our children.

A Parent Advocates Perspective

"Do you believe everything happens for a reason?" she asked. I looked at her long hair strewn over my pillow. My pulse quickened a little, sensing the pain behind the question.
"Are you asking whether all this school bullying will come to some good?" I clarified.
"Yeah," she said softly.
"Well, I believe a lot of things happen because of people’s choices–yours, and theirs. But OUR decisions and our responses to those choices are what make up the outcomes. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I think so."

For a couple years, the bedtime snuggle tradition I share with my older daughter has often been heartbreaking. It’s when I hear of the exclusion, insults, clothing critiques, daily lewd gestures, fat thigh lists, shoving, being hit in the privates with a paper, whisper campaigns and more she’s experienced at school. A few social leaders started treating her poorly, and it has eventually spread to even her closest friends being unwilling to be her friend in public. The few who occasionally stood up to her had to deal with the wrath of the bullies. One of her last allies switched sides only last week. She’s heartbreakingly generous in her assessment of some of these former friends: "They’re just trying to survive fifth grade too." She has had sleep problems, hour-long crying jags, uncharacteristically defiant behavior at thome, lack of motivation, refusal to get dressed in the morning, and more.

We are working with her teacher and a wonderful therapist to encourage assertiveness. She’s scared to death to engage with her classmates assertively, for fear of escalation. But I’m convinced that until she demonstrates a certain willingness to defend or counterattack, very little will change. Sometimes, when she wants to say something in defense of herself, she finds herself panicked and mute.

She calls her depressive episodes "being stuck." So far, they have lasted only days or weeks. But she and I have both been terrified at times that they will become more serious. Rule-abiding girls don’t often lash out, but rather in: In my darker moments, I know that she is at risk for self-injurious behaviors, eating disorders, addictions, and more. My husband and I try to provide lots of affection and encouragement when we are with her. But will it be enough to counteract the 30-plus hours in a hostile peer environment?

I have written enough emails to the school to fill a small book. We have had two meetings with staff. The emails fell largely on deaf ears to one teacher; another has responded in very helpful ways. We have a couple strong advocates in the building now. One student’s family has had to come to school to address his behavior, and since, he can’t stop talking about how stupid the anti-bullying efforts are. His mom does the same thing in the hall, in front of my daughter, although she did not voice objections at the official school meeting on the topic.

Why is my daugher in particular a victim? It’s hard to say. Because bullies need victims.  She’s more sensitive to others’ feelings as well as her own than most people. She’s less willing to follow the crowd than others, in her dress and behavior. She’s better read than almost anyone her age. She’s stood up for other kids being bullied. She’s had to wear orthotics to school at one point. She has vivid, striking hair. She’s smart, and although she doesn’t brag as some boys do, she doesn’t try to hide it as many of the girls do, either.

She is only 10. And she has seen far more of the dark side of people’s social behavior than many adults. She’s doing her best, and we’re doing our best to advocate for her. We participated in a PACER Center anti-bullying walk, and she enjoyed seeing hundreds of people who understand we’re not just imagining this horrible experience–just trying to deal with it the best she can. Does everything happen for a reason? I don’t think it’s all so grandiose and predetermined. I still think a couple brave bystanders could turn this around any week now.

Popular vs. Friendship

This is not a thing I like to share because, well, this is something I’ll regret for the rest of my life.

I’m fat, like, not really fat but I do not have the body most girls would like to have. My first whole year of elementary I got called by names and it was not pretty, you could say I was getting bullied, I hate it that they called me fat, I just couldn’t stand it, I had friends, but i wasn’t enough.

A year later my friend, Luz, enter my school and I was so happy someone like me was there, but then the weirdest thing happened, I was with the in-crowd, the popular crowd, the one place I thought I could never be a part of. But there was a price. There always Is. It was lunch and Luz had already made a friend so I sat with the group, that’s when I heard the comments they were saying, I might have been their target last year but this year….. It was HER. They were calling her awful names, names they used to call me, one of them say it so loud the WHOLE classroom heard, they started laughing. I was shocked. She started crying and left, and they were watching me, expectantly, like I might go after her. A true friend would. She would have gone after her careless of the world. That’s the thing. I didn’t. I laughed.

3rd grade I was on the top. My life changed. But not hers. She was alone, and I just watched the whole time like….like…. I didn’t care. I saw what she went through, what I went through and I didn’t do anything. She left. She hated me.

I’m in 8th grade now and I tell you that being a bystander and doing nothing to help another victim is awful, the sad truth is that I was bullying somehow. By not doing anything to stop it I was an attacker. Everything I went through was awful, but what she went through is worse. I hate myself for not stoping them, but you can do it, if you have a friend being bullied or you just see someone you don’t know being bullied, don’t hesitate on saying something.

Friendship is more important than anything. And loyalty more.