Strong

Hi. I am new to this site and this is the first time I am talking about how I feel. I’m 13 years old, half Asian and extrovert. I’ve been taught that being different is bad, so I tried to look and act like everybody else. I always looked happy and I was smiling. But I was lying to everyone in my life. My family, my friends and myself. I was always pushed aside, bullied or called names since i was in kindergarden. And in my class is one who makes fun of me, my parents and just Asia. I never did anything about it because I know it’s not true, but once she was throwing papers at me all day so I slapped her out of nowhere. She and everyone started yelling and I got in trouble. She said: “No one likes you!”. That really stuck with me because it was true. I never self-harmed, ran away or stood up to them ’cause I’m too scared to do anything. Now it calmed down a little but I still don’t feel happy. i made a lot of friends but I want to change school. I don’t even know why… I just feel I’m adjusting to them and I shouldn’t do that. I need a second chance and start fresh. New people, new enviroment and new ME. I want real friends. I know it will never stop. People are stupid and they will be stupid and I can’t change it. I want to change schools, but I’m afraid. What if they won’t like me too? What if they will tease me? The questions and “What ifs” just pop into my head. I feel powerless. I feel sad. I feel hurt. I feel alone. I feel…