My story

I was bullied harsh for 4years. It started in 5th grade. First it was “just” the name calling and outcasting. With time it got more and more serious. It was by a group of 6people in my class. They terrorized a lot of people, but I was their favorite. They ruined my life every way they could. They threw stuff at my head(like beanbags in breaks, balls during PE), they pushed me to the locker when I walked the corridors, they pushed me in the bathroom. They stole my belongings. They bullied me on the internet too, commented terrible things even when I posted a cute picture of my dog. It resulted me avoiding social media altogether. I remember one time they watered my chair and when I told it the teacher got angry at me. They took away my phone and sent away private photos. They hid my clothes several times after PE. The list goes on and on. I became paranoid, even when they weren’t hurting me I was always checking out how they will the next time. Some of them are so humiliating even here anonymously I struggle to tell them. At my 13th birthday they threw rubber stripes and other things at my hair for hours. I had enough of it, and confronted the most agressive member and he threw the remaining “ammunition” at my face. I fought him, but he beat me. I couldn’t even hit him. And I lost all hope after that. I became very depressed. I cried a lot, I begged my mother to not force me to go to school, but she was more afraid of the custodian office taking me away. We talked some about leaving for another school, but I was terrible afraid it gets worse(I heard other people got their faces flushed down the toilet, dragged around naked in the hallway or cutted by knives). I still hate myself for that decision. My life probably would be much different, much better if I moved school. They had connections to other gangs in other schools, but anything would have been better… When I was 13-14 I thought about suicide a lot. I thought about burning down the whole school a lot. It was all that left me the illusion that I still have some power, that I’m not just a tool, that these kids use so they can feel superior. I was so emotionally ruined when our head teacher died of cancer I really liked him and I felt sorry, but seeing my bullies in pain also gave me some joy. I had “breakdowns” every once in a while, I started to cry out laugh in front of an english class, that had people from other classes, who did not see as much of the daily bullying. I told them and the teacher about some of the things that they did to me. They pitied me and told me they’ll help, but of course nothing happened. No one ever helped. My mom tried to, but she didn’t know how. She took me to psychiatrists, who had no idea how evil kids can be. They never told me anything useful and have not helped me in any way. The teachers weren’t even discussing it, when it happened right in front of their eyes. The other students were just glad they were not the target. They molested a girl classmate regularly. They did all kinds of illegal and terrible things inside and outside of school and no one gave a damn. It was a criminal gang, nothing less. The guilty goes on living their life and the victims are scarred for life.

I had to deal with this long after it stopped. I tried to fit in highschool, like it was a fresh new start, but I couldn’t. I became asocial. You can never fully heal from something like this. I am the perfect example, as this all happened a decade ago. And every once in a while something stirs up these emotions. The regret, the pain, the shame, but mostly the anger. That no oone is held accountable. That these things still happen every day.
And I don’t know what’s the solution. But we have to find one.