Loud Girl

Hi. My name is M, I am 14 years old and a sophomore. I am young for my grade and everyone knows it. I moved to a new school right before high school started. I thought it would be great because these people wouldn’t hate me like the old ones. I could start out new. I could be new. But it’s hard to change old habits. I am known for being super loud and happy all the time. People didn’t like that and they started bullying me for it. In high school I had started dating this guy and he was on color guard. Everyone made fun of me for dating him. But when I broke up with him for a good reason. (He said he’d kill himself if I didn’t stay with him forever) Everyone started to hate me. Color guard girls wouldn’t talk to me, at all. They even looked at me like I had killed someone they loved and was released from jail. I was mad that everyone thought I was the bad guy and that everyone believed that he was the one to feel bad for. I lost one of my friends because of him and even after I got that friendship back 1 year later, it still wasn’t the same. I really wanted to be new and not have people hate me. But where ever I go guys look at me and think, “She might be cute but she’s annoying and loud.” And girls look at me and think, “She’s so freaking annoying.” The year before I moved I had gotten people in my grade to sign my yearbook and when I saw it by the time it got back into my hands people had wrote, “Kill yourself.” “Die B—-.” “N——” The last comment, I hadn’t understood why they called me that, but they wrote all these words in big letters on my yearbook. I really hoped that it would change last year, but my 9th grade year was the same, if not worse. People wouldn’t talk to me because I was loud, different and spoke my opinion on things I thought were right. I was even reported for depression when I was going through a rough time, which didn’t help at all. My family was suddenly worried that I would cut myself, that I thought suicidal thoughts. I didn’t though. I just wanted a friend. But no one looked long enough at me to see who I really am. They just heard my voice and ran.