Life is crap

I hate life right now. School literally is crap. Like UGHH. i am currently writing this in a bathroom where i am always are. It wasnt always like this. I used to have friends that i hung out with at breaks, especially this one kid. Lets name him J. Ive known J for 4 years. Ive walked home with him EVERY DAY after school, ive been to his house, we’ve shared netflix shows, hes given me the show black mirror which i honestly thank him for. But what pisses me of is when a “cool kid” comes along its like im invisible. An example is when we were walking home his cool friend came and said hey to him yet he didnt even acknowledge me. Then they were having their own conversation and then we were close to where i lived. Then i went to the path and they didnt even care.
Ugghhhb oh well.
My life is disgusting. Some facts about me ??
Well my mum passed away when i was born so i never got to know her and yes she died on my birthday. My birthday i hate . Many people love theirs and get gifts which i understand but when you find out that your birthday is on thesame day as when your mum passed away it makes u sick. Ive cried myself to sleep on my birthday. Until it hurts and the pain remains the next dayy. Ive thought about suicide. And if i matter but……
I want to kill myself ….
Like i want to
Im crying rn as im typing this
..
Also live life to the fullest like.. ugh
Ok bye