Five words

“Go rot in ur grave”. These were the five words that changed me from a bubbling, little girl to someone who was driven to depression and anxiety. These five words ended the life that I had worked so hard to start. In a few seconds my whole existence was challenged. ‘What if I died’, I had thought multiple times over the account of two years, ‘no one would miss me so what’s the point in Living?’ I had once climbed out of my window and stood on the ledge, looked at the stone below and held that position for several minutes. It all started when I moved schools. It was in year 4 (3rd grade) and I had wanted to make friends at my new school but I decided to involve myself with the class bully. I didn’t care that she hated everyone, I only cared that she liked me. Little did I know that she was playing with my feelings. Once, I remember, she had asked one of her boy toys to spray water onto me and then push me into a puddle of mud. Another time me and my friends were playing ‘Bloody Mary’ in the music cupboard and upon the lights going out, she locked me in, only to laugh at my screams of fright and open the door a few minutes later. But little did I care. By now almost everyone was on her side no one wanted to associate with me, leaving me to re-enact ‘ever after high’ with my only three friends every break and lunch. Another event that sits clearly in my mind is the guy who made fun out of my background. I was 1/4 Chinese attending a school where no one was Chinese. I told my mum and she went on to tell his mum and this only made my life worse. Because I had ‘snitched’, I had to endure name calling Multiple times each week. But still I didn’t care. Fast forward a few days to me revising for my first test at my new school. It was a maths test. I used to live and breathe for maths and I was quite good at it, if I do say so myself. At the age of 9 I was doing work that the school offered to 11 year olds. Let’s just say this did not settle well with my fellow pupils. My whole table had been given a difficult maths equation and I had been first to solve it. I was just helping my partner when my bully said- loud enough for half the class to hear- “go rot in ur grave”. I knew I was slowly reddening as the class simultaneously laughed. I slowly sunk into Depression after. My lowest point must have been when my bully had joined the group I was in for an English project, made me leave and then threw pencils at me from the other side of the rooms. No one cared. Not even the teacher. The teacher had just ignored me when I had told her of my situation and went on to shout at me for leaving ‘pencils on the floor’. Funny thing is I never cried once during all this. I faced this for two years until year 6 ended and I was able to move onto secondary school. And in secondary school everything changed. I wasn’t bullied, instead, for a few months into year 7, I was the bully and I cried at the littlest of things. If ur reading this and u’ve experienced something along these lines or maybe even worse, don’t hold back and speak up.