” She’s Doing It For Attention”

I’ve never been a popular kid. Growing up, I hated my body. I was always teased at how big I was. But when I got to junior high, it got worse. In 6th grade, I devolved a condition called idiopathic facial paralysis or otherwise known as Bell’s Palsy. But my case was different. Usually Bell’s Palsy will clear up within a few weeks, but mine is recurring which makes it a rare case. So when I came back to school, I was called a half-faced freak . I didn’t know how to respond to this so I kept my feelings inside and talked to no one. In the beginning of 7th grade I was still called a freak but it died down once the bullies found a new target. But in 8th grade, that all changed. In the summer before 8th grade, someone were closed to me passed in a tragic way. I fell into a depression and refused to eat and when I would, I would feel guilty and throw it all up afterwards. That later contributed to me developing bulimia. When I started school in the fall, just about everyone knew what happened and I was being called an " attention whore". I couldn’t comprehend why they were doing this to me. I just lost someone who was important in my life, and know you want to make fun of me for that ? I pushed my feelings deeper and deeper inside until I couldn’t do it anymore. I had lost all faith in my self and humanity. But when I thought all was lost, I found something that changed me. I found a cover of a song called "Drown" , and once I listen to it, I started crying. I thought ‘ Finally someone understands’ and it started to make me feel better about the situation I was in. Then I started to listen to all of these amazing artists and bands who showed me that it’s okay to not be okay. They showed me not to care what people thought about me. So I live by showing people who I really am, flaws and all. I still get made fun of for listening to the bands that I listen to, but I really don’t care about them. Why should I care about a person if they don’t matter to me ?