I don’t think kids realise how much their words and actions can affect some people, they just don’t consider how they make people feel. Because of that, we’re just kids. All my life it has always seemed like I have had a target on my back. I’ve been the talk of the school, of things I’m involved in, I have been backstabbed by people who I thought I could trust, my friends, my BEST friends. I used to be my own self, not afraid of what people thought. Now I’m afraid of pathetic things like will people care if I take a banana to school. I’ve lost myself amongst this society and the people who have hurt me. It started when I was only 10 years old. My best friend wrote me a hate letter, telling me she couldn’t be seen with me, then posted hurtful things about me all over social media. When I was 11 I was apart of a sports team, everybody including the coach picked on me because I wasn’t very good, but I kept trying cause that’s just who I was. I remember girls laughing and whispering every time I made mistakes. I tried to block them out and keep trying cause I loved it, but I eventually stopped because I remember so vividly the coach stopping the whole game and in front of everyone including the supporters, and turned around to me saying “Do you even know how to play football?!” I turned around and ran off the field. Even now that effects me in every thing I do. It made me feel worthless like I truly wasn’t good enough and was never going to get any better. Then came high school. My bestfriend, the person I told everything, who stuck with me through all of this, just stopped hanging out with me, and I will never know why because she just denies everything. I don’t even know who she is anymore. I was asked out a lot through my whole life, but every time I got close to someone they just hurt me. I remember a boy, my first kiss, we were so close and I was just waiting for him to ask me out. We had plans together everything seemed perfect. Then someone else told me, not even him, that he had talked about me to everyone and was going out with someone else this whole time.
God if I listed every thing else I could write a novel. And the sad thing is I’m never going to be able to tell anyone cause I can’t trust anyone anymore. This is not how I want to be, or who I want to be. I don’t even know who that is anymore..