Feelings Remain Words are forgo

My bullying experience started when i was in year 5-6 so i was around 10-11 years old. I would be delibrately left out of groups during play time or if we had to be in pairs, i was called names such as, the girl with the big nose, frog eyes and holes in my face. At such a young age i did not understand why i was called such awful names until now.
I never spoke up about this because back then 1998-1999 there was no social media or bullying awareness. Schools may have had a bullying policy but it was not emphasized as much as it is today.
My primary school days were awful, i was almost playing by myself or i’d find a neighbour who was younger than me and played with her- i felt safe or i’d play with the ‘weirdos’ who also faced bullying. I see these people now and again passing the streets and it just makes me remember the ordeal i went through, the words are history but the feelings still remain. You will NEVER forget how someone has made you feel.
High school was awful, year 7,8,9 especially. i went to a girls school, here i dreamt of making the best of friends for life. The same happened here, i was left out, called names and made to cry and i did cry in class. I was told to my face that i smelt of bad body odour (my hygiene was not poor) and that i had a horse tail (my hair was long and thick) big eyes and often referred to as ‘Uncle Festa’s daughter from Adams Family’. I never had the urge to speak to any teachers about this as i felt that the bullies would win and i’d lose. I’d cry when i got home and be so scared to go into school the next day. Those 3 years were hell for me. Year 10-11 was when i thought God answered my prayers and he did. As you begin your GCSE’s you were told to pick your subjects and without the bullies pressuring me to pick similar subjects as them, i met my new friends. The bullies were so jealous that i found other girls who accepted me for who i was, An asian girl, with dimples, longhair and did not smell. I broke through from them and finally got my independence. College was not so bad as i also met new people but found myself a part time job so i was kept busy. University was equally ok as i decided to move out of London to start a new life and i did. Nobody new me and i felt as if i was re born. i made some life long friends. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

All in all, i felt ugly and humiliated and sad that the school and the teachers did not bat an eyelid when they saw bullying out in the open. i was not the only child to go through this. I did not grow up in a wealthy family so i was also targetted for my clothes that i wore on trips.
My words to anyone out there is, one day YOU will be FAR MORE sucessful than those bullies and you will prove them wrong along with the world. Jealousy is a disease and there is no cure- it is a battle we have to fight. YOUR LIFE IS precious and your worth more than comitting suicide. I see these girls passing me on the streets but i have my head held up high, and i am now a woman and sucessful. They look at me in great awe – they cannot believe i’ve grown up into a decent looking woman. I now understand why they were jealous of me. Dimples make girls look cuter, something men like. Long hair is something women want.. (not all) but again its a characterisric.
I keep my life private i’m not on social media because my life’s private and 1) i do not want those bullies to find me online qnd vue my pictures or what is happening with my life and 2) im just private.
I’m a Solicitor now and mature but everyone out there, my message to you is, it will get better. Hold your head up high, prove them wrong, silence is the best weapon.
I was once a city worker and tapping away on my laptop on the train until i caught someone staring in my direction i looked through the corner of my eye and it was a girl who would join in the bullying she was absolutely shocked to see me. The stare she gave, i’ll never forget. It was the stare if someone, so jealous and in disbelief.
I have not gone through detail of my bullying but one can understand the events that occured. It went on for many years and i hated school, my childhood was ruined by bullies.
Words will fade but the feelings remain..