Video spread.

So, I had this friend. Atleast I thought she was my friend. When in actual fact she was the reason for my suffering. Here’s my bullying story.
I was 14 years old. A happy teenager for the most part. I had just started this new school year and saw this girl alone in class. Initially, I felt sorry for her, so I invited her to come sit with me and my other friend. Me and this girl became really close. Best friends. We did everything together, I trusted her with everything and anything, which was my downfall.
One day, I was around her house after school. We were messing around playing dress up. She handed me an object and suggested it would be funny for me to pretend to do sexual things with this object. So I jokingly, I pretended to do sexual things with this object. I was young, things like that were funny to a 14 year old, y’know. We laughed so hard. She suggested she should film it. I was hestitant at first, but she insisted it would be so funny to look back on I guess. So, I let her film it. The video was no longer than 30 seconds, containing no nudity, but that’s all it took for 2 years of pain. We laughed about the video, and I didn’t have any thoughts of the video going else where, because I trusted her.
A few days past, I completely forgot about the video at this point. I remember clearly after school I was talking to ‘kate’, before I told her I was going for a nap. 2 hours later, I woke up to a phone call from her frantic telling me the video was on Facebook. Initially, I was confused, ‘what video?’. She told me that on her way home from school, a guy on the bus got hold of her phone and found the video. She claimed that he had ’emailed’ the video to himself. My heart began to race, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt faint and sick to my stomach. She told me to go on Facebook. I’ll never ever forget this. The first thing that came up on my screen was the video. Top of my newsfeed. I was absolutely mortified. Y’see I wasn’t exactly popular at my school, I was the quiet girl. So, for people to see this, and not know who I am, they didn’t see this as a joke. No one was ever meant to see it. If only I had known.
People began sharing, liking, commenting on this video of me. I was devestated, I felt completely broken. I stared at my computer screen. Watching comment after comment about how ‘disgusting’, ‘ugly’, ‘slutty’ I was. I was called every name under the sun, by many many people. My world was just completely flipped upside down. I was getting messages of abuse by this point too, some from people I didn’t even know. It had only been up for a matter of hours. People were commenting not only about me, but how weird my family were. That broke my heart even more. I messaged the people who put it on their Facebook. I asked them, how did you get this?! I was frantic. Begging them to delete it. They wouldn’t tell me anything. I spend that whole night crying.
The next day, I remember it was a Monday morning. I couldn’t bare the thought of going into school that morning. I didn’t go in that day. I genuinely didn’t feel well, amongst what had happened the previous night.
Tuesday morning, I found the courage to go into school. My god, I’ll never forget it. I walked into class. I’m pretty sure everyone in the class was shouting abuse at me, at least that’s what it felt like. I remember feeling so alone, never felt so alone in my life. I remember thinking, what’s the point of me living right now. I would be better of dead than facing all this abuse. I remember thinking, wow if there really is someone up there, they sure as hell don’t like me.
From the moment that video was posted online. My life changed. I became severely depressed. I started self harming. I couldn’t tell any adults about this. I mean, how on earth could I explain this to an adult. They wouldn’t understand, is what I thought.
So, maybe 2 months had past. Still being bullied every single day. Halfway through the school day, a teacher walked past me. She told me, you have to come with me right now. I was confused, she was a science teacher so I presumed it was about that class. She took me into a small printer room. I’ll never forget. She told me that there was a video going round of me on the school, the SCHOOL computers and on multiple students memory pens. I felt weak, dizzy, I burst into floods of tears. I couldn’t believe it. My own teachers had seen this video. How humiliating. She then proceeded to tell me that the video was on YouTube with hundreds of views. I honestly wanted to die on the spot there and then. Bits of the conversation were blurry. But the last thing she said was your parents have been told. There are no words to physically express how much pain I felt in this moment of time. She talked to me like it was my own fault, like I had sent this around. I did this to my self. I suppose I did do this to myself. I walked out that room. Heartbroken, crying like I’ve never cried before. I walked into assembly, everyone was staring at me. I walked all the way to the front where my class was sitting. 5 minutes in, I couldn’t bare it anymore I ran out assembly. Balling. One girl came after me. She didn’t care how I felt, I know she wanted to know what was going on. But at this point, I would have done anything for someone to listen to me. I spend the rest of that day, crying. Every lesson I was crying. Not one person other than that girl asked me if I was ok. It was as though I deserved it. This was hands down one of the worst days of my life. I couldn’t live anymore.
My life slowly began to get better. I became stronger. I learnt to ignore the bullying until they got bored. Yes, it took what seemed like forever but eventually it went away. I honestly, had no support at this time. I did it all on my own.
After a few years went by, I asked one of the people why they posted it on their Facebook and how they obtained the video. I wasn’t nice about it. I wanted to know the truth. I told him he was one of the people who ruined my life at that time. He actually apologised, but what shocked me even more is where he told me he got it from. He told me that ‘kate’, my best friend at the time had sent it to him and multiple people. He also told me she was the one who sent it to the guy on the bus. Not only that, she was the one who posted it on YouTube.
I couldn’t but could believe it. Luckily me and this girl were not friends by the time I found this out. But my heart still hurts abit. To think I trusted someone so much. She was my best friend. Yet, she was the one who did this to me. I still have anxiety about people filming me or posting videos of me. I don’t think this will ever go away.
Looking back, I wish from the start I would have told someone. An adult figure, who could have sorted it out and stop the spreading of this video. Explain my side before the bullies could tell their version or events. I wish I even went to the police.
This, is my bullying story.