It hurts.

It all started in 7th grade, I was being used by my friends. They would borrow “certain” things from me, talk to me only when they want something and then dumped me. I’ve been through the same thing on repeat throughout my middle school and high school life. However, I found a group friends, they seemed real at first but eventually we started having conflicts. In the group we branched off in pairs. Sometimes my partner would fall out with the other pair, sometimes I would out with my partner. Once it happened… my partner and I had a fallout, I was so depressed by this, however, well-wishers made us turn back friends. After sometime I found out she was using me, well actually all along I knew it but I stayed quiet and kept it to myself. She would use me when she and the other girls aren’t talking and when they patched up she would kick me out the picture even if we were “the pair.” It got at a point when she talked things about me behind my back . After this we fell out completely. I still remained friends with the other girls because they supported me. But I feel used, hurt and depressed.. it’s like I don’t feel appreciated when I’m around them, they make me feel smaller than them, it’s like I have to suck upto them. They even started talking back to my “partner” and left me out. Many other bad things happened that I’m not gonna mention here..
It got to a point where i wanted to commit suicide, my grades dropped because of this, I was bullied. I was scared to say anything to my parents or anyone. Everyone at my school treated me differently, used me, it was hard to trust anyone anymore. I would come home and cry my eyes out, praying to god when this will end. I asked myself “When will I have happiness” “when will I feel appreciated” “when will everyone respect me”.
It really hurts me… I was betrayed..
It’s the end. I’m done with high school, I’m out of there, I’m happy alone, I don’t need friends. Can’t tell which one is real or fake with all the bad experiences I’ve encountered.
Just know that if you are going through what I went through or maybe a similar situation.. you are not alone in this. God is with you, your parents will be there for you no matter who leaves you. This is not forever.
Be strong! And don’t let it take a toll on your grades! Continue being positive and spread love. Don’t let this situation change you or bring out the worse in you.